WORKSHEET ON UNDERSTANDING AND COMMUNICATING EMOTIONS AND NEEDS:
This handout supports individuals/couples to understand their emotional processes, their needs and how to communicate them.
It outlines a sequence where a:
- (i) a situation leads to an
- (ii) emotional reaction which leads to
- (iii) a behavioural reaction which hides a
- (iv) deeper feeling and an
- (v) underlying need
Understanding this sequence and being able to communicate the information it provides is vital, I believe, to:
- (i) cultivate intimate relationships
- (ii) to manage conflict well
- (iii) to understand what your needs are in particular situations
- (iv) to own your experience and hence your part in an interaction.
On reading the diagram:
Read the diagram from left to right.
–Get a sense of the sequence of situation, experience, reactions and underlying emotions and needs.
-Then read the general and specific boxes, try to get a sense of your own emotional reactions to situations and interactive responses and how they could be improved by following the communicative sequence outlined below.
|Behavioural Reaction||Deeper Feeling||Underlying need||Underlying Need|
|Category||A. Frustrating patterns||B. Secondary feelings||C. Reactive patterns||D. Primary emotion (fear, shame, sadness, anger) *||E. Needs global||E. Needsspecific|
|General||When you…||I feel…||And react by…||This hides my…||What I really want is…|
|Specific||are late.||angry.||criticizing.||anxiety and feeling rejected||to feel important to you.||for you to call.|
* Behind anger often is a hurt, and accompanying each hurt is an unmet longing or need.